The Greatest Thing Ever Invented

Hope you all had a wonderful holiday season, celebrating whatever and however you wished. Mine was filled with crazy family, as usual, but seeing it from the sober side for the first time in years was an eye-opening experience! In order to feel less left out, I started drinking my sparkling cider straight from the bottle. Because I’m classy like that.

In other news, I discovered a maternity accessory that I wish I had discovered pre-pregnancy. I could have been using this thing for YEARS. I introduce to all of you the wonder of the BELLY BAND.

For those not in the know, the belly band is just a basic tube of spandex that you wear over your pants so you can leave your pants unbuttoned and/or unzipped and no one will notice. It also acts like a control top to suck in that muffin top that baby is so graciously creating for you. Like Spanx you wear over instead of under. It’s designed to let you wear your pants a little longer before diving into the flattering world of elastic waistbands, mom jeans and maternity panels.

Let me tell you. I wore a pair of jeans that I haven’t been able to wear in about a year on Christmas Eve. That was great enough, but then after feasting for an hour, with the pants feeling a little tighter, a simple unzip of an inch made everything better. THIS NEEDS TO BE MARKETED AS A POST-THANKSGIVING DINNER ACCESSORY. Honestly, I would have bought one a long time ago. We all have those days where we’re a little bloated, or gained a few pounds over a holiday and we just need a little extra room in those pants to get us over the hump.

Now you know.


3 thoughts on “The Greatest Thing Ever Invented

  1. My wife got some belly bands a few weeks ago, and she didn’t stop smiling for exactly 39 hours afterward. Actually, she got a white one at Target, then got pissed because they didn’t have a black one and was in a bad mood till we found a black one at Babies R Us. Then she was happy.

    I borrowed one for Christmas. Not that I ever button my jeans anyway.

  2. They are wonderful post partum as well. When you look at those maternity jeans and just think… fuck off. I’m never wearing you again, but then don’t fit back into your regular jeans yet.

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