Push Out Baby. Get Present.

“Push Presents” – both the term and the actual gifting – crack my shit up. Unfamiliar with this practice? Let me fill you in. Typically in Push Present Scenarios, Husband buys Wife a gift for birthing their child. FOR BIRTHING THEIR %^&#@! CHILD.

If a he doesn’t produce a present, will the mom-to-be clench up and hold the baby in until he buys her a treat?! I would certainly hope not, but some women are %!#$%ing determined. And what if the woman ends up having a c-section? Does he get to take the push present back because, well, she doesn’t deserve it since she didn’t actually push?

The baby and not being pregnant any longer and the upcoming opportunity to explore non-maternity clothing and beer should be the gift. THE NEW BABY SHOULD BE YOUR PUSH PRESENT. And beer. Beer helps with breastfeeding. And it’s delicious. Count that as a bonus present. With a giant entree of YOU JUST HAD A BABY.

What is that, a carat? Pssh, try again, buddy. I can wait.

It’s the entitlement of some women that just gets me. The expectation that she deserves presents upon delivery. That because SHE carried this baby around for nine months and SHE had to deal with all the symptoms and pain and SHE had to push it out of HER body that SHE should get a %^!$! present. Umm, hate to break it to you honey, but that’s what your body was sort of designed to do and women worldwide have lived to tell the tale for eons without a new pair of diamond earrings. Also, judging by your entitlement, I bet YOUR husband had to put up with YOUR shit and YOUR whining and YOUR bitching and if anyone deserves a present it’s HIM. YOU probably deserve a punch in the face.

And it isn’t just little things desired as push presents, like a knick knack with baby’s monogram or a little bauble with the kid’s birthstone. Nope. It’s EPIC THINGS. Diamond studs, new wedding ring settings, tennis bracelets, designer bags, etc. Usually nothing relevant to the baby at all. This is all about Mom’s Journey into Motherhood and the Expensive Gift to Represent It. Seriously. WTF.

I feel sorry for the child who will have to grow up in that type of entitled atmosphere. Except they won’t even notice because those raised in that environment tend to be of the “Special Snowflake” variety who cry if they don’t get a trophy for coming in last. BUT THAT’S A WHOLE OTHER POST.

Will I turn down a present if presented upon presentation of Little A? No. Of course not. I’m not an idiot. I like presents. But am I expecting one? Aside from the bedside post-delivery Manhattan, not at all. I can’t even be facetious and make up a wish list to post here. That’s how dumb I think this new “tradition” really is.

Although I have wanted an emerald cut diamond solitaire pendant for about ten years…

11 thoughts on “Push Out Baby. Get Present.

  1. This is clearly something only first-time entitled moms demand prior to delivery because if they knew how much money they’ll be spending on diapers they would shudder at the thought of dropping serious money on something stupid. Years ago B told me he’d get me a new diamond wedding band after I gave birth but now if he did that I’d slap him and promptly pawn it for Pampers.

    • In the places I’ve dared to venture, it is second and third time moms as well. Which leads me to believe they are of the well-off stay-at-home variety. Not that makes it okay. Nothing about this is okay.

  2. I can’t decide what is worse:
    1) people give/receive these presents
    2) they’re called fucking “push presents”
    3) it’s gorgeous outside and I’m still at work.


  3. If you can read everything that I wrote below, and still think the ENTIRE concept of a gift in this situation is awful, then I’ll let you go.
    The term: push present. This term is pretty much loathed by a lot of women, and I can definitely understand why. First of all, it’s a very raunchy way of describing a present. I mean, really, who came up with this? Secondly, it changes the meaning of it possibly being something surprising and innocent into something that is demanded and necessary. All of this being said, I am also a little put off by the term and I think I could have come up with 20,000 different names for it that would have been much more suitable.

    In my head, this is where a “push present” is appropriate:

    1. When your husband/partner/mother/father/sister/bff/whoever gives you something without you asking for it, just because they wanted to. Ladies, you can’t tell me that NONE of you have ever had someone bring flowers or wine to your house when visiting your new baby for the first time. Needless to say, you never asked anyone to bring flowers, they brought them because they wanted to congratulate you. That’s not outrageous, it’s actually a nice gesture.

    2. When the gift that is being given, is more about the mother AND child than just the mother. Let’s just say, hypothetically, that there was a symbol out there that meant safeguarding and love for a new mother and baby. Then let’s also hypothetically say that this symbol was used in a picture, on a card, engraved into metal, whatever. Wouldn’t that given as a gift be meaningful and emotional? More of a commemoration for BOTH the mother and child?

    3. When the gift is affordable and sensible, yet emotional and beautiful. I do not think that spending $100,000 on a gift when you can’t afford it is okay, especially when there’s a new baby in the picture. I do, however, think that you can get away with spending a conservative amount of money on something that will mean as much to the child when he/she gets older as it does immediately to the mother. If you’re going to give a gift to a woman who has just had a baby (which, by the way, LOTS of people do), it should be something that is not meant to replace or make up for the baby, but rather congratulate and commemorate the new little one. I think this is a major point of confusion in the “push present” idea. Many women are under the impression that this present is supposed to make up for the trauma that they just went through while being pregnant for nine months, and that is SO FAR from what this present should be. It should be a symbol of appreciation, love, and joy for the gift of life that has been given. It should be just as much about the baby as it is about the mother. Emotional, beautiful, grateful for the gift of life.

What Do Ya Have to Say About That?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s