Okay, that’s not totally the truth. I teared up twice. THANKS FOR NOTHING, LADY GAGA.

But actual tears. They never flowed. Not even one.

That either makes me totally awesome or a terrible mother. I’m gonna go with awesome.

Let me explain the Lady Gaga thing. Every night, we put that pink Johnson’s Baby Lotion on his face. I’m convinced it cleared up his baby acne in August so I’m afraid to stop using it. And with his body chemistry, it smells like Dr. Pepper. So instead of Poker Face I sing “Dr. Pepper Face” at him when I slather it on. It’s one of two songs that will put me over the edge. The other is “Moves Like Jagger” because the stupid tablet ad that used it was played all the time right after the kid was born and we would sub in his name. Because his moves are way cooler than a strung out 70 year old.

So I heard “Poker Face” twice, once while walking through Caesars and once during one of the Imperial Palace’s Dealertainer shows. I’m surprised I didn’t hear it more than that, actually, considering it was Vegas and, duh, POKER.

ALSO if you haven’t been to Imperial (soon to be The Quad), it’s kind of a dump and under construction right now, but it has been our favorite place to gamble for a long time. The table minimums are always less than other places and even though the odds totally blow in the Dealertainer pit thanks to the continuous shuffle thingamabob, it is SO MUCH !#%!# FUN to play there. Where else can you play blackjack until six am with Blondie, Prince, Ke$ha, Alanis Morissette and Bret Michaels.

Bret Michaels took all my money, that dirty bastard.

What, like you never drank Bourbon Cream Sauce straight from the vessel before. DON'T JUDGE ME.

What, like you never drank Bourbon Cream Sauce straight from the vessel before. DON’T JUDGE ME.

Anyways, where was I? OH RIGHT. Tearing up in public. I did it. I’m not ashamed. I’m shocked I didn’t do it more. Again, bad mom.

We had plenty to do – we gambled obviously all the time, I won $240 on penny slots to which we took directly over to the blackjack tables where we promptly lost it, we ate steak, we got free Serendipity frozen hot chocolate, went ice skating on the pool roof of the Cosmopolitan, did the table service VIP thing at Paris and barely slept. So, I can survive a trip away from the little bugger as long as there is plenty of entertainment, good food, great friends and copious amounts of booze. In other words, I need LOTS of distraction.

I’m convinced that the kid grew like five inches and gained ten pounds in my absence. HE LOOKED SO BIG when I got in the car. And now he’s been a giant fussbucket and drooling machine and doing crazy things with his tongue which leads me to believe a tooth is a’comin’. He still won’t roll over but he is getting damn close. It’s just that damn arm that gets in the way and he can’t figure out how to roll over it. I give him another four days*.




* Less than 20 minutes after I posted this, that crazy face rolled over. Picked himself up and flung himself over the arm that got in the way. Mama would be proud of you, buddy, if you hadn’t just made her look foolish.


  1. Squatch has been having the exact same problem with the rolling over bit. Glad to know that I have a time frame and that he’ll be rolling over exactly three days from now.

    Oh, and also this:

  2. Hooray for rolling over! I’ve never been away from my Doodle for more than a night, so I completely commend your successful trip, and I’m really glad you were able to enjoy your time, even with Lady Gaga making it hard on you. ๐Ÿ™‚ I wanted to let you know how much you rock and how I really enjoy reading your posts, so I got you a fun pretend award. It’s yours even if you don’t play along. ๐Ÿ™‚ http://stayathometrauma.wordpress.com/2012/12/08/i-got-an-award/

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