Holy Crap! (See Also: About Damn Time)

That was my expletive-free reaction to the “You’ve Been Freshly Pressed” email I got last week. For once, I didn’t curse. It was weird.

Dudes, I’ve been waiting for this shit since the day I started blogging. I didn’t know why exactly, I just knew it was the ultimate in WordPressery. Thing is, I’m sort of a terrible blogger but cocky enough to think this should have happened a long time ago.

If you expletive newbs stick around, which I sincerely hope you do, you will discover the following about this site:

1. I swear a lot. I mean, HELLO, you should have @$#^$ing figured that out already, based on the blog title alone.

2. I’m pretty self-obsessed.

3. I LOVE comments and I try to reply to all of them. But I’m also extremely lazy.

4. Sometimes I don’t blog for weeks (please refer back to #3).

5. My kid is cuter than yours. Sorry.

Cheers, Newbs!

My “Me” page is horrendously out of date so I wouldn’t recommend going there. I’m pretty sure I’m still pregnant over there.

I complain/rant a lot, red velvet everything makes me go mad with rage, I don’t get very controversial. My favorite blogging phrase is “but that’s another post”. Don’t get too excited when you see that phrase, however, because that post rarely comes. I love bourbon, which could explain quite a bit.

You can check out the “Us” page for more info but there isn’t actually much there either, but the rundown on this family is as follows: Married for 7.5 years, straight outta college, military, beer-loving, Rock Band playing, little crazy. Like, we have a party every year where attendees must wear jorts crazy. Maybe this is another post.

See, told you.

You will never see a photo of my husband, known throughout the internetz as Big A. Nor will you ever see the real name of either Big or Little A. This is clearly by design. Some of my friends don’t even know their real names, so don’t be offended.

My brother recently passed away, so be prepped for the occasional grief/recovery/emotional post. I’m not going to Trigger Warning that shit because we’re all adults here, so if you’re not crying with laughter within the first two sentences, you’ll be in ugly tears by the end. There’s your !@#$% warning.

I started this thing with the intention of ranting about all the things the @!%#@ Baby was “ruining” for me. Except I ended up with the easiest pregnancy and the fastest delivery in the history of babies so I sort of look like a whiner now. Maybe when we go for !@#$ Baby #2 I can get the pregnancy hell I so desired. JUST JOKES.

If you’re still with me by this point, maybe even begging for more, I can be ALL OVER YOUR @!%#! SOCIAL MEDIA. Follow me on Facebook and/or Twitter. I also Instagram because I loves me some fake filters.

Some of my earlier posts that I felt deserved a little more attention:

• Push Presents
• Breast Feeding 101
• Everyone Loves a Good Birth Story, Right?
• We Made the Kid in Kenya, That’s Neat.
• I Have Feelings About Frosting

If you explore, you’ll find shit that I don’t even remember writing. Skimming through some of those blog titles was a glimpse into deep depths of forgotten lore.

So, hugs, homemade frosted cupcakes and bourbons for all the new followers and subscribers and friends! Thank you for checking me out. I’m looking forward to getting to know you and checking out your blogs as well. Now, have a !@%# nice day, because I said so!

I WAS FRESHLY PRESSED, YO!

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