Diaper Commercial Diatribe

I studied advertising in college. I graduated with a degree in the field. I dreamed of being an exec at a downtown ad agency, the powersuit, the business trips, the late nights, the big fat paychecks, the whole works. Clearly, it never worked out as I didn’t have the talent, motivation or experience for it, nor did I end up moving to an urban area where such things were possible, but there was a time in life where advertising was my dream. So the following facts may shock you.

1. I have never watched Mad Men.

2. I hate commercials.

I have no excuse for the first one. I know I would probably love it, but I have so many shows on my docket I just don’t have the room to add another. That, and it’s so passé I feel lame jumping on the bandwagon now.

The second, well, I wanted to work in print anyway. But DVRs have ruined commercials for me. You know how much more TV you can watch in an evening when you can fast forward through all that bullshit? The majority of ads are pandering, stupid and lolsexist anyway.

PERFECT SEGUE!

A Huggies Snug and Dry commercial irritated the shit out of me last night.

Let’s give our new diaper the ultimate test.

Nap time. After a big feeding.

WITH DAD.

DUN DUN DUUUUUUUN.

Oh heavens to Betsy, no, not DAD! Anyone but that guy! That diaper will leak for sure!

Seriously?

Have we given Dads the haha you suck at childcare schtick for so long that now diapers can morph their superpowers when they sense Dad is in charge? POO EVERYWHERE. Suck on that, Daddy-O. We don’t take kindly to folks like you.

Have we failed to give Dads credit for being able to handle the tasks of diapering and now we just assume that they’ll do it wrong and decide to shame them for 30 seconds on TV? PEE EVERYWHERE. Try explaining this one to Mom, dude.

Do we just exclude the fact that many Dads out there may actually ENJOY raising their children and look forward to the opportunities they get to feed, nap, bathe, cuddle, whatever with their kids? VOMIT EVERYWHERE. You really thought you could defeat me, you fool.

Seriously?

This is no longer a Mommy’s domain. I fully expect my husband to take care of his share of the duties (doodies?) and I think he is looking forward to it. This was his idea, after all. Can we just stop pigeonholing fathers as being complete dolts when it comes to babies? We all know I don’t know what the f^#& I’m doing so why should I be exempt?

So I will probably not be buying Huggies. Your advertising failed, suckers.

Don’t even get me started on that godawful “Poop, There It Is” blowout contest commercial. What company is that? I won’t be buying from them either. #vomit

There’s Something About Facebook

I’ve told my family. I’ve told a handful of close friends. I’ve told utter strangers on the interwebz.

But there’s just something about Facebook.

It’s not that I don’t want people to know. They’re all going to find out eventually.

It’s not that I don’t want the attention. I love attention. I’m the baby of my family and the only girl. I thrive on attention.

I figured I would do it after the first visual confirmation. Got that. Then it was upon entering the second trimester. Well, that’s, like, practically tomorrow (where the F did that time go??). I am still holding out.

Drink beer. Get name on wall.

College. Drink beer. Get name on wall.

I think it’s because the majority of my Facebook friends are from the college era. And I wasn’t exactly the picture of responsibility back then. Unless your definition of responsibility includes not studying, copious drinking, fake IDs and 4am cheese fries (I miss you, Richards!). Usually the night(s) before finals. AND my frat boy husband was worse than me.

Will our parenting style be the same way? Probably.

And everyone knows it.

Deuce

Dear $@# Baby.

Your father informed me the other day that he wants to nickname you “Deuce”. I think he was referring to you being male and probably being named Little A, making you a second, to which he would change to Deuce. If you’re female, apologies, because that still may be your name. Your father can be a stubborn SOB.

My immediate response was “But what if you drop him?” We may watch too much Family Guy.

I’ll try to stop him, Kid, but you may be outta luck on this one.