His Favorite Things

Fresh cut pineapple and beef chimichangas
Orange purring kittens and large hot fudge sundaes
Bass lines that blast through the Caddy speakers
These are a few of his favorite things

Skyping with Big A and afternoon nap times
Big chocolate muffins and icy Cherry Cokes
Spicy hot peppers that fire up the mouth
These are a few of his favorite things

Soft sugar cookies and Fruit by the Foots
Hazelnut lattes and cereal heaps
Brown paper packages from Amazon
These are a few of his favorite things

When the back aches
When the heart burns
When I’m  feeling sad
I simply devour your favorite things
and then we don’t feel sooo baaaad

Maria had it way easier. At least her favorite things conveniently rhymed. And her favorite things didn’t cause violent kicking within her loins while she enjoyed them. Or maybe they did. Maybe there was a bastard Von Trapp. THE UNTOLD STORY. All the things I listed cause Little @!#$& to go all kinds of batshit crazy and slay me with his octopus limbs. And his favorite things are are way cooler than wild geese that fly or copper kettles.

And the Amazon shipments are probably considered my favorite things.

Not my greatest parody song ever, but you’re welcome for the earworm. Suckers.