Dear #%&!$ Baby:
Contrary to popular belief, you are not bald. Not quite. Although your Uncle Brian did send the mullet wig to solve your hair problem. But you DO have hair.
Sadly, you DO actually sort of have a mullet.
You have some real hair issues, little boy.
First, there is the aforementioned mullet. You’ve got this solid little grouping of brown hair at the back of your head. It is long, dark and thick. Party in the back.
The rest of your head is covered with a light brown/blonde peach fuzz that is hardly visible, hence people thinking you are as bald as George Costanza.
Shit, you actually DO have a Costanza thing going for you right now.
And you know how Homer Simpson has the two long comb over hairs? Yeah, you’ve got those too. I’m not kidding. There are several hairs that are about an inch and a half long that stick up in random places. You’re Costanza Simpson. Makin’ mama reaaaaaaal proud.
Peach fuzz multi-toned mullet with decorative long strands? Not gonna help you with the chicks, little dude.