Dear @#%! Baby.
Thank you for being nice to me thus far. But could you at least make your presence known a wee little bit? So far, aside from the tests, you have been too cooperative. I am starting to think the world is playing a trick on me. Vomit? Nope. Nausea? Only when I eat too much so that’s normal. Headaches? Not any worse than usual. Heartburn? Well, I’ve always had heartburn so I’m not sure. Tired? I can never get enough sleep. I heart sleep. Cranky? I’m always a moody bitch, so that’s not a good symptom.
Wait a minute. Maybe I’ve been pregnant for years. My daily routine usually consists of headaches, heartburn, complaining about being tired and general snarkiness so how the $%^# am I supposed to know what’s really going on in there?
I know you’re like the size of a lentil or something like that, but c’mon dude. Give me something to go on here! I can’t wait the two weeks until our next appointment without growing uber paranoid. Because, not going to lie to you man, momma has still been indulging with a daily coffee and more ham than may be recommended. We all have weaknesses. NOW MAKE ME THROW UP.