Food for Faceholes: Chicken Fajita Chowder

Chicken Fajita Chowder via

As you may know, I have quite a penchant for making fun of Sandra Lee and her whole box-things-turned-into-gross-new-things shtick.

And then a few years ago I realized that Big A and I semi-homemade something that immediately became a staple in this house and now it’s time to share  it with the world. Or the eight of you that read this.

V-8 made this pretty decent boxed corn chowder stuff and we turned it into a better take on chicken tortilla soup.


Trader Joe’s saved the day when I discovered a suitable substitution, though.  So if you have a TJ’s…you can have this chowder. If not, well, then you’re shit out of luck and I got nothing for ya.

We always have the ingredients for this in the house, so it really isn’t “fresh”, but damn we like it. Frozen chicken breasts, jarred jalapenos, seasoning packets, WHAT UP. I have zero qualms about my sodium use. Clearly you can use whatever fajita seasoning blend (you fancy people and your Penzey’s and your whatnot) you like and adjust to taste. I never used to add corn, but the Campbells/V8 soup had a little more texture than the Trader Joe stuff so I add some now if I have it.

Chicken Fajita Chowder

2 chicken breasts
1 box TJ’s Creamy Corn and Roasted Pepper Soup
1 can black beans, drained and rinsed
fajita seasoning
2 tbsp finely chopped jalapenos (optional)
1/2 cup frozen corn (optional)

Place the chicken breasts in a crock pot and cover halfway with water. Sprinkle about a tablespoon of fajita seasoning over the top and cook on low for about five hours, less if using thawed breasts.

Remove chicken; shred or chop it. Empty water from the crock pot and clean out on residual chicken gunk that may be left behind.

Put soup, chicken, black beans, jalapenos and corn back into the crock pot. Add about two tablespoons of the fajita seasoning, or to taste. Heat through on high – about 45 minutes. You could also do this on the stove – this would take about 15 minutes, but why dirty another pot.

Serve, topped with shredded cheese and tortilla chips. Sour cream it up if you’ve got it.

Variation: SAVE FIVE HOURS. Use chopped or shredded rotisserie chicken, start at step three, dump everything into a pot and heat on the stove for 20 minutes. I’ve never done it that way, but I fail to see how it wouldn’t work.

I like to make things more complicated.


Chicken Fajita Chowder via

You’re welcome.


Here’s the Thing About Red Velvet



I fail to understand the appeal of this foodie fad.

Red velvet came about because of the reaction of the buttermilk and vinegar with cocoa powder back in the day or some crap like that. It was not developed to be a @#$@!% fashion statement of sweets. It’s honestly just Devil’s Food.

Not to say it doesn’t have its place. It does. As Armadillo Cake. And maybe some recipes do taste different…but the majority of the recipes I see are a relatively basic chocolate cake. With dye. Gross.

Alright, it looks neat. It’s dramatic, it’s pretty and that’s fine. But it’s the influx of red velvet flavored products that’s hork worthy.

Shit like Red Velvet hot cocoa? Just hot cocoa. It probably doesn’t taste any different than the Swiss Miss cocoa packets in your pantry. You may think it tastes different but it’s just psychosomatic. But if you want to be hipster and spend extra money on it, by all means. The economy thanks you.

And so help me god if you go banana sandwich crazy for Red Velvet Cake Balls.

Ugghhhh and don’t even get me STARTED on Cake Balls. Or Cake Pops. Or whatever the shit you call them.

But that’s another post.

Red Velvet cake is a way to deliver delicious cream cheese frosting to your facehole, you say? EAT CARROT CAKE. Get some veggies. Less Red Dye #40.

I don’t get it.

But you know what I find even more appalling? As seen on Pinterest: BLUE, GREEN OR BLACK VELVET CAKES.

What the !@#%@  $%@ is wrong with you people!? Save the food coloring for the frosting*. Or don’t dub them all “velvets”. Call it what it is: COLORED !@#%!ING CAKE. And adding food coloring to box cake mix is not a “recipe” so you’re not Martha Stewart. You’re Sandra Lee. And you suck.

What’s next? Red Velvet Pie? Red Velvet Brownies? Red Velvet Souffle? Red Velvet Casserole?

Shit. I just gave you all ideas, didn’t I?

I just. don’t. get. it.


*Exception: Those rainbow layer cakes at kids birthdays are pretty cute. But I must emphasize KID birthday. And it’s sad I have to stipulate that.