*Taps Microphone* Is This Thing Still On?

Somewhere in Wisconsin, chilling at a rest area, happy to be out of the car.

What’s up, @!$#%heads!

Did ya miss me? I thought so.

I missed you.

I’ve been busy. Too busy. Exhaustingly busy.

Since you last saw me, I drove over 2700 miles in four legs, spent over 40 hours in that car with a baby (24 hours of which also included another passenger and an 85 pound dog), saw family, visited friends, participated in a blogger roundtable thing which I am still totally flattered by my inclusion in, played bingo, drank beer, lost a rib cook off, got my hair all colored and chopped up, ate a shit ton of cake, celebrated the @!$# Baby’s 1st birthday for a second time, found $86 of childhood change which became a ticket to Jay-Z and Justin Timberlake where I consumed more beer, painted 75% of my bedroom and failed to buy enough paint to cover the rest.

Whew.

Since you last heard about the kid, he officially became a walker, eats pretty much whatever I eat including real meat, not just meatballs, decided he loves ice cream and yesterday, learned to clap instead of making fists when I would try to show him how.

It’s been a pretty epic three weeks. Or four weeks. I don’t even know.

Hopefully the blogs that I intended to write while on this vacation adventure will someday appear. But for right now, they are buried in the gallon of paint that I have to buy today.

If I missed any important posts of yours, link me up! I read a few posts here and there but I know I probably missed a lot, which I totally dislike.

Let’s get back to normal around here, shall we?! Well, as normal as it can be, at least.

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New-ish Dog, New Tricks

Apparently February and March became LOOK WHAT I CAN DO months and this kid won’t stop learning shit. SLOW DOWN.

This out of shape mom can’t keep up, dammit.

While I was home in Minnesota, the kid decided that pulling himself up on the ottoman was the greatest thing ever. And then it was climbing the entertainment center handles like a ladder.

And then bonking his head.

And crawling up a single step. And down it. And up. And down. And crawling over a stool rung.

And then bonking his head.

We decided Minnesota was dangerous.

He also started legitimately crawling, not that army crawl shit he’d been doing since the beginning of the year. Up on all fours, crawling his little ass off. And evidently he can sit unassisted. Which he may have been able to do before but since he never sits still, we never knew. But now we know. And he can.

He also learned what “No” means, though it lacks a specific definition in his little brain. He’ll stop what he’s doing, turn to look at us, stick his tongue out, twinkle his eye, then continue on his destructive mission.

He will also “give kisses” now, but I wouldn’t recommend getting one unless you want to lose some hair and have a wet nose. He claws the sides of your face, pulls you close by your hair, then tries to eat your nose. It’s gross, painful and damp but holy shit it’s cute. And it’ll make you melt when you’re angry and frustrated and trying to get him to nap and he does it unprompted for the first time.

He can also #$@^%! walk behind one of those lawn mower-esque pushers. He just turned nine months. He shouldn’t be able to do that. I don’t think. April is already headed down a bad path.

Just gonna park this over here for now. Can’t believe this place doesn’t have valet.

We lowered the mattress again (gentle weeps), added some teething guards, further baby proofed, got rid of the coffee table so he could have more room for activities. Every morning I find him standing in the crib. Every afternoon I find him standing in the Pack and Play after nap time. All day I chase him around yelling No No No No No! All he wants to do is stand and crawl and try to walk.

All I want to do is nap. I’m not ready for this level of mobility.