Dear !#%@# Fetus:

What the $%^! are you? Let’s find out.

Tons of old wives tales exist about determining the sex of your baby in utero. Let’s see what they say about you, shall we?  Here’s an extensive list for your reading pleasure, but I am not going to test all of them. Because some of them are a little too personal and I really don’t feel like sharing that information publicly. That and I’m too lazy.

Here’s how I stack up:

  • Heart rate was about 150 last appointment – GIRL
  • Carrying high or low – I’m not showing yet, so…Neutral
  • No morning sickness – BOY
  • Craving salty/sour (boy) or sweet (girl) – Um, both. However, I always want salt and I have developed a  bigger sweet tooth than usual, so we’ll sway this one – GIRL
  • Craving  protein – meat and cheese – BOY (when ISN’T cheese a good idea?)
  • Hands are dry – BOY
  • Dad is gaining weight? Nope – GIRL
  • Headaches – BOY
  • Gained weight in hips/butt or stomach – BRAG ALERT I can’t exactly specify where my two new pounds have gone. Neutral.
  • Moodier than usual, and that’s hard to do – GIRL
  • Age + Month of conception = 40 – BOY
  • Wedding ring on a string – that seems like effort. Not gonna do it.
  • Face breaks out – GIRL
  • Hair develops red highlights – WTF? Does it count if I pay for them? Neutral
  • Craving fruit – I have had a renewed love affair with fresh pineapple – GIRL
  • TMI ALERT Bright yellow pee – BOY (I’m sure Big A will just say dehydration)
  • I am not mixing urine with Drano because that’s just dumb.
  • Chinese Birth Calendar says – GIRL
  • Cold Feet – BOY
  • I’ve gotten prettier (boy) or uglier (girl) – really? REALLY!? Someone please tell me I’ve gotten uglier since getting pregnant. I dare you. Please then refer to moodiness bullet above and then pray for your face. Because it’s getting punched.

Tally it up.

Boy: 7
Girl: 7
Hermaphrodite: 6

I did not pick the ones out to give me a tie score, promise. So, WTF is it? Are there any random, silly or proven predictors I missed that you think I should include?

For the record, I am currently a day or two under 15 weeks and we have our next ultrasound at the end of this month to find out the sex. We have our wish. What’s your prediction?


13 thoughts on “Hermaphrodite

  1. My mom swears up and down that the Drano thing was absolutely dead on both times she was pregnant. I can’t see it either, but, well, yeah.

      • I read that the toxic fumes created by it can be harmful to you and the baby. Or turn it into the Hulk. One of those. I can’t remember and I’m too lazy to check The Google.

  2. Kim's Mom says:

    Kim’s right. Drano was dead on both times. It also ended up puking fumes (and emerald foam) in a snow bank on Renner Rd in a baby food jar with Kim in her car seat watching from the safety of the car. Couldn’t be too careful with the one I’d already gotten out. I think they changed the formula though. Too many crazy preggo’s in the early 80’s peeing on drain cleaner just wasn’t going to end up in a good headline.

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