AM and the No Good, Very Bad Day

Yesterday was not a fan of me. So in turn, I hate yesterday.

It started at 5.15. Three hours BEFORE the day SHOULD begin. again.

All week (today included) kid has been rising waaaaay too flipping early. I can tell he’s still super tired, just awake and lonely and hungry and whatever. At 5 am I don’t really care. My brain. It lacks a certain…functionality prior to 8 am. This did not bode well.

The goal is to change, feed and release him back into the crib as quickly as possibly so both of us can go back to bed as quickly as possible. On Monday, this worked like a charm and he slept through to 10 am. SUCCESS! Happy baby, happy mama, good $#%@# day! Yesterday was not so pleasant. HE WOKE UP AGAIN AT 7.30.

Poo Count: 1/1

Which is fine on a normal day. I can handle that. But certainly not after already being awake that day. We ate our actual breakfast, though half ended up on the floor and Baxter got his fill of blueberry waffle.

Poo Count: 2/2

We crawled around for a spell, where Little A laughed so hard (yay!) he horked (WTF). I know I fed him lunch but not much. Because he fell asleep. 

Today’s Poo Count: 2/3. Finally, relief.

Then on the way to the grocery store some jackass wouldn’t let me merge and then gave me the finger after I laid on the horn. My lucky mom got to hear a lovely string of expletives over the bluetooth. While finishing our conversation in the parking lot, a lovely scent filled the car.

Today’s Poo Count: 3/4

IT’S ONLY 3 PM FOR SHITS SAKE.

HAAAAA pun so not intended.

OF COURSE the giant jogging stroller was in the trunk space and I was unsure of the bathroom sitch at the commissary, so I changed that wiggly stink worm in the backseat. Hopefully the lease has a poopstank clause.

Then I put the cart cover on backwards and didn’t notice until the kid was in it and it was too much of a hassle to flip it.

Then I forgot the ice cream.

Then I broke my new favorite necklace. It was $5 and from Forever 21 so I can replace it, but still. It has an elephant on it. And Little A likes it. Sad.

Then I side swiped someone who was hiding in my blind spot because the new car seat is huge and the blind spot is actually a blind spot.

Then, because his schedule is totally borked from this 5 am thing, he didn’t nap before dinner and got craaaaankyyyyyy during dinner, even though it was his favorite food. Beef. In a jar. Gourmet palette this child does not have.

Then my experimental healthy dinner was a bust. I WAS going to feed the kid avocado until he lost his shit and I had to put him down to nap. So I planned a meal so I would eat avocado too and not waste it. And I had already started cooking the quinoa so no turning back.

I don’t really think I like avocado. I’m going to give it one more shot before I throw in the towel.

NEW DIET PLAN: It’s easy not to overeat when you don’t like what you’re eating.

Deep breaths. Day is almost done. Nothing else can go wrong, right?

OF COURSE not. Other than the kid taking forever to drink his last bottle, biting my finger trying to “brush” his teeth, trying to get him not to eat the cardboard book and struggling to get his attention away from the cat who was stalking me from the door waiting for HIS dinner.

9.45 pm. Baby down. Cat fed. Dog sleeping.

My DVR, a beer and a snack await. Bliss. 

THERE IS A SHITTON OF CILANTRO IN TRADER JOE QUESO AND IT TASTES LIKE ASS AND SOAP AND FAKE CHEESE.

Fuck yesterday.